Dear friend

I just heard the news of your loss, and it has filled my heart with sadness. I know how much you loved your son, I heard your love for him swell in your voice every time you mentioned his name - which you did so many times as we shared our stories of being mothers of sons.

I didn't know him well - he just came through the family room sometimes when you entertained "us girls" - the women who worked for you - at your home for parties - holidays, summer barbecues. You always served a special cocktail, so when he encountered us he was always a little bemused at our flush-faced giggling and games - silly old ladies, slightly drunk on cosmos! But he was always unfailingly polite and humorous. He was a graceful and well-mannered guy - he carried things, he moved tables, he helped out and then he always fled the intensity of our pre-menopausal female vibe!

His presence in your home was a reminder for me that boys grow up to be young men. If I happened to get a peek into his room through the open door off the hallway, seeing it just as messy as my own 16-year-old's room, well, it just showed me that sons - no matter how mature - never lose that part of them that will always be a little boy.

I cannot imagine what you are feeling right now. When I learned he was gone, they said he died in his sleep. I know that must have been merciful for him, but how cruel it must be for you. He was your only one, your boy; the two of you had shared so much together. I wish there was something I could say or do to help you carry the pain.

I just learned this afternoon that my former boss, a woman of great talent, kindness, and leadership, lost her 26 year old son. He died unexpectedly in his sleep Monday night.