Who thought this was a good idea?

It's Mardi Gras season, and people are talking about costumes.

Although Twelfth Night kicked off the season on January 6, the first real parades start rolling on February 11 this year, with Krewe de Vieux and Krewdelusion in the Marigny and Bywater.

So - costumes. I am NOT a costume person; I've never enjoyed Halloween, and I have a natural reluctance to dress in a manner that calls attention to myself. But here in New Orleans, the person who doesn't wear a costume is the one who stands out. So I'm trying to ease my way into this.

I've got a few ideas that I'm working on; maybe they'll work out. But there is an inherent danger here, in a city that celebrates creativity, a little naughtiness, and a tolerance of indulgence.

Do not go shopping on Amazon.com late at night after having a couple of glasses of wine!

Somehow, I managed to buy two corsets. What a great idea, right? Made in China, they arrived yesterday. They are quite pretty and sexy, but, despite the fact that I carefully studied the size chart, they don't even remotely fit me.

I tried to cram myself into them, unlacing the laces all the way. I even managed to get the zipper on one of them to start. But the quality of the zipper is so poor that I feared to zip it further. It strained against my bulging cellulite. What if it jammed? I would have to find a scissors and cut myself out of the damned thing.

So I have had to admit defeat. Fortunately, the quality of the corsets match the price - they were about $12 each. Which should have told me something.

I think this year I'm going to dress up as a Snuffleupagus.