Sordid decadence

What happens when Southern Decadence + Sordid Lives + New Orleans + Vaughan's Lounge meet?

This.

El Chapo got into the act too!

Open the door

This is the entrance to one of the quirkiest "museums" in the South. It's the ICM Museum in Abita Springs, Louisiana; a collection of oddball stuff thrown together. Or, as one of the signs says, "a hobby that got out of hand."

There are ancient pinball machines, re-engineered bicycles. There are funny, doll-house-like dioramas featuring juke joints, general stores, trailer parks and oil refineries.

One room is wallpapered with paint-by-number paintings.

There's a tank with big old algae-encrusted snapping turtles. There are fake stuffed alligators everywhere, including a giant one, a dog-gator, a duck-gator and a pony-gator riding a bicycle.

It costs $3 to tour the place, and you can buy a souvenir t-shirt on the way out. It's well worth it.

A bunch of bull.....

There isn't much I haven't heard about, working all these years in the events business.

But today was special. I got a call from a parent who's organizing a fundraising event at a local school. He wanted to know if he needed a permit for the activity he was planning.

"So," I said. "Why don't you tell me what your plans are?"

"Have you ever heard of Cowpatty Bingo?"

Apparently, this is a real thing. You take a large field or paved area, grid it off into squares, and sell off squares at ten or so bucks a pop. Then you let a cow wander out onto the space and do what cows do.

The buyer of the "winning" square gets a cut of the money as a prize, the rest going to the charity.

My caller wanted to know if he needed a permit to organize this.

Fortunately, our city doesn't require permits for events on private property, so he was fine. But then he wanted to know whether he'd run into any opposition from animal rights groups, or if there were any laws that might affect his event.

Well - our city is famous - some might say notorious - for being passionate about animal rights. In the past, a squirrel abatement campaign came under serious fire from activists. Just this year, children's pony rides at the Farmers Market were outlawed on the grounds of animal cruelty.

He did allow as how some of the moms on the committee were concerned for the cow's sense of dignity, and wanted to make sure the event wasn't humiliating for her.

I suggested he contact the SPCA.

What's next, Donkey Basketball?

Girls

I just received an email addressed to myself and a woman colleague my age, with the salutation "Hi, girls."

This is in a business context - the sender is a woman younger than we are, part of a non-profit charity, but she is also a lawyer by profession.

We had met previously in the day to discuss matters of public safety connected to a business endeavor of hers. It was the first time she had met the two of us.

"Girls?" How odd. What say you?

Resident expert

Here's a new one. I just took a phone call from a guy who wanted to know what kind of permits he needed to skydive out of a plane and land on the public beach.

My current job is to administer a complicated and very detailed set of ordinances regarding one narrow function - events that take place on public property. I get calls from all kinds of people wondering if they need the kind of permit my office issues to do the things they want to do for fun; things that range from holding a beer garden on the beach (not allowed) to setting up a table in the park with a petition (allowed), to inviting a food truck onto their own property (no permit required).

I'd say about half the calls I get are from people whose business is not in my jurisdiction, but I try to help them anyway.

Yesterday I got a call from a woman who wants to stage an elaborate charade as part of a surprise marriage proposal, involving a mock film crew (with real cameras) and the Ferris Wheel on the Pier. Nope, you don't need one of my permits, I told her, but I referred her to the Film Permit office (film crews, even fake ones, need a Film Permit).

Other times I hear from people who want to do something that the ordinance clearly prohibits. Close down a major thoroughfare for a 10K run where the runners shoot at each other with paintballs? Sounds like fun, but not here, buddy.

This morning I got a guy who wanted to launch a hot air balloon from a public parking lot. Then this afternoon, the skydiver.

I hope I don't need to start learning about flight regulations!

Ethnomusicology

The Duck Dynasty scandal is getting a lot of attention for family patriarch Phil Robertson’s homophobic comments during an interview with GQ magazine, but he’s also getting attention for something he said in the same interview implying that African Americans were not unhappy with their lot during the Jim Crow years.

But overlooked by most commenters is the radical claim Mr. Robertson makes, that, if true, would revise the entire history of American folk music and Southern culture:

In his comments remembering his early life in pre-Civil Rights era Louisiana, he said,

“I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I’m with the blacks, because we’re white trash. We’re going across the field.... They’re singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’—not a word!... Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.”

Hmmmm. Really? What were they singing, then? Italian Opera? This raises a whole new area of scholarly inquiry!

Quack!

Adventures in crafting

I haven't touched a sewing machine in over 20 years, but back in my young womanhood, I used to be pretty competent, if not expert at simple sewing projects. I made a duvet cover for my bed; curtains for my apartment windows, and one summer in the late '70s I made a little money fashioning a collection of hippie-ish skirts and drawstring pants for my friends.

I had a little Singer Featherlight machine - this was a small, portable machine that did only one thing - straight stitch. But it was a nice, solid, workhorse of a machine, easy for someone with a peripatetic life like mine to move around with, and I made good use of it.  I gave it to my mother when she got into quilting, and I guess it ended up being sold with the rest of the contents of her house.
 

The Beautification of Public Places - a fable

A meeting just wrapped up in a large, well-lit conference room to discuss an incident six months ago where some people trampled the flowers – namely, some pelargoniums, zinnias and begonias planted as summer bedding in a planter box.

A big cosmetics company had put on a special event –a fashion show, in a local shopping complex with an open air pedestrian courtyard. They’d built a runway out in the middle of the courtyard, and during the fashion show, some spectators had climbed on the planter boxes for a better view, and the plantings were crushed.

A $400 bill to replace the plantings had been sent by the property owner to the corporation, who refused to pay it, claiming they weren’t responsible for the damage to the summer bedding plants.

Follow up requests for payment were met with no response, and a lawyer-drafted letter threatening collections action was also met with no response.

That was six months ago.

The state of things today

 We live in a world where people go to a bar to drink beer and eat brussels sprouts.Think about it.

Anti-theft device

Hot sauce anti-theft device.

Dining with billionaires

Stock photo from clip-art

Leave the car with the valet at the entry to the mega-mansion high above Bel-Air. Have a glass of champagne, and may I offer you some hors d'oeuvres? Do try the little blinis with caviar, they are scrumptious!

Walk around, enjoy the city views from the terrace, check out the home theatre on the lower level, and best of all - an automated commode in the guest powder room!

Control panel

It's been a busy week - and it's only Wednesday!

Modern Times

It's a new world out there, a new media age, the old ideas of art, commerce and sales are being transformed into something...er...exactly what, now?

My local small-city newspaper has a story about a new art exhibit opening at a local gallery this week. The artist, a young man, is "CEO of his own art brand," the story claims. He says, "I decided I needed a way to bring all my artwork together in a brand."

Pardon me for being a curmudgeon (and would you damned kids get off my lawn???) but isn't this putting the brand before the horse, so to speak?

Don't you need to have a product of some kind before you brand it?

A recent graphic arts graduate, the artist's work consists of - and I quote the story -"him photographing women in fun situations."

He likes music and photography, having fun and the good life. Oh, and scantily clad young women. So his art celebrates that monumental and unique perspective, hoping to "inspire young people to live unbound through apparel" or "live a Southern California life style."

His show will include DJs and models and sales of apparel from his "line."

Read the story. "My art is very edgy and I hope it will be the next big thing."

No, it's not even that. Visit the guy's website. You'll see some unremarkable and utterly commonplace photos of attractive young people doing things that attractive young people do when they're partying - posing, drinking beer, wearing fashionable clothing. And scantily clad young women. Sort of like what you can see in any advertisement marketing any fashionable product, every minute of every day on every commercial outlet.

It's either the most breathtakingly cynical attempt to grift a living out of thin air - or it's a sad reflection of the utter shallowness of popular culture attempting to exploit the utter shallowness of the art world.

No, on second thought, it's both.

Modern times - ads without products.

Attack of the Giant Zucchini Monster.

There's a joke told in musician circles, about an accordion player who was driving back home from a gig, and had to stop off in a bad part of town. He'd put his ax in the back of the hatchback, and when he got back to the car, his worst fears were realized. The back window of the hatchback was broken, and when he looked inside, he realized that .... someone had put three more accordions into his car.

Just as unwanted and maligned as accordions - the joke works for bassoons, saxophones, and violas, too  - are zucchini squash, especially giant overgrown ones. Neighborhood vandals (you know who you are!) dropped one on our front porch the other night, so I decided to beat them at their own game.

Home invasion terrorism!

We're really lucky that we have a fierce watchdog to protect us.

Actually, the weird thing is that Jack NEVER barks, but this evening at about 8:45 suddenly he came to attention from his position sleeping on the living room rug, and advanced vigilantly into our entry hall, facing our closed front door.

He huffed through his nose menacingly, and then - very unusual for him - he barked, a deep warning, again and again. We wondered - what could it be? A coyote, a mountain lion in our driveway?

I got up, held his collar, and, checking to see the porch light was on, ventured to open the front door.

 OH MY GOD!!

Someone left a giant zucchini on our porch!

A sense of the scale of this sucker. This thing is h-u-u-u-u-ge! Call Homeland Security!

Overheard in L.A.

"I'm at the honeybadger stage of my career. I just don't give a shit."  - Overheard in a Los Angeles office.

Overlead in L.A. is a funny collection of true-to-life snippets of conversation overheard and sent in by readers at the site laist.com . Go to the link and scroll down for links to other choice pearls of wisdom.

Menopause

I just came back from the supermarket, where, in the frozen foods aisle, a woman of a certain age had opened one of the freezer doors and was standing in front of it, with her backside inside the freezer case. To the shoppers strolling past with their carts, she was unabashed. "I'm not apologizing. It's cool and it's free."

Cachet

That's what I calls it.

I made an acquaintance at an event over the weekend, and we talked of a program I am interested in participating in. We exchanged cards. I emailed a hello to this person's professional email address, and received a response back promising a later message from the personal account.

I've just received a new message with more info, and it looks quite promising. However, I noticed at the end of the message this legend:

"Envoyé de mon iPhone"

Sent from my iPhone. In French. Here's my question - how do you get your iPhone to send that default message in French? Does it come that way if you are sending from France? Or if you have a French carrier? Or do you just set it up that way, so that even if you are a burger-flipper working out of a Dairy Queen in Davenport, Iowa, your iPhone message can still be delivered in French?

Do you think my new acquaintance is sophisticated? Or just putting on airs?

What say you?

You would never know

Unless you looked, that I am wearing an incredible pair of socks today!

 

Let's see if these can keep my socks from getting mixed up with [The Man I Love]'s sock drawer!

Woe is me

I know that networking is an important part of searching for a job in today's world. It's all about your contacts and connections. It's about letting people you know what you're seeking, and enlisting their advise and suggestions.

But as a somewhat shy person, I'm not very good at it. I don't really know where to start.

Last night I was a guest at the beautiful Beverly Hills home of a highly respected person in the Los Angeles arts world. My dinner neighbor to the left was a charming former U.S. Senator, and on my right was a powerful lawyer. Across the table, a senior academic official related tales of working with a MacArthur-winning scientist.

Only there I was, feeling sorry for myself, so it was hard to fully enjoy it all.

How can I network when I don't seem to know anyone?

OK - I wrote this to be funny, but really, I'm serious.

I do know lots and lots of interesting people in fields I'd like to work in, but I am finding that I am very very shy about contacting them.

People say to me - "Just go talk to So-and-So and let them know about your situation," but I find myself stymied.  I allow uncertainty about proper etiquette to paralyze me. I overthink what I'll say, and then when I do talk to someone, I never end up asking what I really to ask.

I think this New Year's Resolution will be to get serious about this.

Misadventures in Marketing

Old logo on left, new logo on right. A worm inside a tulip?

The University of California system has just unveiled its new logo, replacing its old dignified institutional seal of an open book with the legend "Let there be light" with a more updated graphic design. This video illuminates the thinking behind it:

University of California Identity from University of California on Vimeo.

It speaks to me. What it says is - "Forget books, just buy our tote bags, coffee mugs and swag!"

UC's new logo has had mixed reception, but one of the benefits of working in an academic environment is that there are plenty of smart, creative people to weigh in on seminal changes like this. Lots of people have been playing with it. There are internet animated gifs depicting flushing toilets full of money, perpetually churning "page loading" symbols, and hilarious descriptions like "a banana in a cup of water," to greet the logo's debut.

Do you remember New Coke, and how successful a brand change that was? Any bets on how long this one lasts?

For an alternate take on updated logos, here's another one, and I'm curious whether you find this one more successful than the new UC logo, or less.

This is the old seal for the City of Santa Monica. it depicts the beach, the Santa Monica Mountain ranges, and a setting sun. This image is still emblazoned behind the Council Chambers at City Hall, but.....

This is the current logo that appears on the City's letterhead, websites, advertising and even street signs. It depicts the same themes, in a spare and simplified graphic image. I don't know what year this image debuted, but it's been at least ten years.

I've never heard of it being controversial, but - is that just because it's been sanctioned by time?  Did people oppose it when it was introduced? Or did this graphic design update succeed?

What do you think? Does the new UC logo just need time for acceptance? Or is it just not a good design?