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| Tile mural on a wall in Mexico City |
I am experiencing a whole roller coaster of emotions. I'm sad that our operation is being shut down. I'm hurt and ashamed that I have been unable to find another job. I'm resentful that certain colleagues have been "saved" while I haven't been (although I actually understand the bureaucratic reasons those saves were possible). I'm angry at how Human Resources' promises to help have not been followed through.
I'm also relieved at the prospect of not having to work. While at the same time, feeling guilty about being relieved. But also depressed and fearful at the thought that my chances at re-employment are remote.
I'm optimistic about what I can do in the future - classes, hobbies, volunteer opportunities. Maybe I'll find a new chapter. Maybe I'll write that novel. Or travel column. Or start that business.
Recently, I learned that a potential opportunity may exist for a transfer. It's a demotion transfer - I'd be taking a significant pay cut. But it would be continued full-time employment, with benefits, and continued participation in the retirement system.
Today, I got an email asking if I'd be interested in interviewing for it.
Well, of course I will.
The wave of conflicting emotions are beginning to wash over me, but I have to wait, and just see what happens.
7 comments:
Your roller coaster is not an enviable one, and I am angry over the way you have been treated and made to feel as though you aren't worthy of "saving" -- because you most definitely ARE worthy.
But PLEASE do not feel guilty over relief of not having to work. This is something my dh has also had to sort through, and it isn't worth the time spent to take that guilt trip. You have too many wonderful things to think about. If they get to keep you as an employee, they will truly be the winners.
No need for any guilt. Go ahead and git that job. Then look around for something better.
Oh the employment roller coaster, I could tell you stories...but I won't.
What I will tell you is this, you deserve better, you deserve to get whatever job you really want. You should take that leap and do the travel/food writing thing. Your blog when you were in Mexico made me feel like I was there.
Finally, don't feel guilty about not working, it really is a waste of time, try to rechannel that energy into say a walk on the beach. Look toward volunteer work, it may help you with new contacts. Be assured it will all work out, perhaps in a different way than you have imagined, but it will work out.
ALBUG
Eight years ago, I lost a job, due to budget cuts. (That was the official story. The reality was that it was a political show-down between managers and I got caught in the cross-fire.) A year later, I found a job I loved.
Three years ago, I left that job, due to a highly stressful situation involving a board that was divided and I was once again caught in the middle. I interviewed for jobs and was a finalist for two, but nothing panned out.
In the meantime, I started taking on freelance jobs. I now am working as many hours as I want to be and the job is incredibly flexible -- I can work if I don't want to or I can take it with me when we travel. It's all up to me.
Overall, I am so much happier now. My husband is happier too, because I'm not stressed and anxious.
Whatever happens with you, you will feel scared and stressed in the beginning, but I encourage you to have faith that everything will work out in a way that is healthy and peaceful for you.
Yes, to what they all say. It's not your fault. Please do your best not to feel guilty.
I think whatever happens, you'll be fine. But I hope you can find something you love. (I love not working -- getting laid off the last time really cut the stress level to almost nothing. So there's always that to look forward to!)
Going through unemployment was one of the hardest things I have ever done. There are so many emotions involved, especially at a long-term gig like yours has been. I feel for you.
You, my friend, are an awesomely talented travel blogger. You could turn your posts about LA into a book. I know a few others who have gotten great opportunities from travel blogging - Britt Reints at In Pursuit of Happiness and Pam Mandel at Nerds eye View are two you should check out.
Good luck, deep breaths.
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